33 Questions to Ask Potential Partners

  1. Do you have an end date in mind for this?
  2. What are you looking for from this?
  3. What kinky dynamic, if any, are you wanting from this?
  4. What time commitments are you wanting?
  5. How flexible are you?
  6. What context does our time take? (Dates, playdates, hanging out, events, other)
  7. How do you feel about communication with other partners during our time together?
  8. Are there times you won’t want contact? How will you communicate this need?
  9. How can I support you through hard times?
  10. What are your feelings on physical affection?
  11. What terms of endearment do you like?
  12. How often do you need sex from this?
  13. Who pays for dates?
  14. Is there a limit on how much that can be spent on gifts, and how often?
  15. What makes you feel jealous?
  16. How do you express anger or annoyance? What do you think is the best way for us to work through that?
  17. How should we address jealousy if it comes up?
  18. Who do we tell about our relationship? Facebook/Fetlife official? 
  19. What titles do we have? (Boyfriend, partner, lover, etc.)
  20. How do you feel about meeting families?
  21. What do we share about our other partners?
  22. How involved do we want to be with our metamours?
  23. STI testing? Contraception?
  24. What are your deal breakers?
  25. What are some of your relationship boundaries?
  26. Do you have a love language?
  27. Do you have an apology language?
  28. How do we celebrate holidays/birthdays/anniversaries/etc?
  29. Are there things (activities, places, etc.) that are just for some but not all partners?
  30. Do you have any triggers that should be avoided?
  31. How will we know if the relationship isn’t working?
  32. What’s your poly style?
  33. How involved do you want us to be involved in each other’s kids lives, if any?