“So, what did Chris tell you? No, scratch that. What Aldi did you go to this morning. Is that the one I told you to go to?”
“No Mistress.” I murmured. I had known it would be unacceptable. Still, I had done it my way.
“So, why didn’t you do as I told you because I was trying to make it convenient for you. I’m sure in your head you were trying to get done as fast as possible. But Ashtyn, it’s like you’ve forgotten everything I’ve ever taught you. What have I said? It matters how you get the job done. I told you how I wanted the job done.” She sighed.
“You did it your way.” She said simply. There was no denying that. I was angry at her and wanted her to know, so I did it how I wanted to do it. She was always seeing the best in me and not just seeing the messages I was sending through protocol. Like she had wanted.
Mistress went back to stirring the pan in the kitchen. Then, as if she couldn’t care a whim what my answer was said, “So, what did Chris tell you?”
“He said that you and him are not the same and to remember that. But that he didn’t want to say more and betray your confidence.” I said, voice a thin reed.
“Okay. He asked if he could talk to you and I said he could if he felt like talking to you would better y’alls relationship or dynamic. Um…” She paused, “I think I’m going to start at the end and go back.”
“I’m not sure that this is even about school. Because what I’m pissed off about now is the fact that you walked away from me. And that’s all I see. And the fact that you walked away from me before I was even done with my anger. And so now I’ve had no place to put this anger. What pisses me off is this has become about you and your needs. It has nothing to do with me about my anger and what I need to do to get through that.” She hisses across the room.
“It’s become about ‘not hurting your feelings.’” She continued in a mocking tone, “It’s become about making sure that you don’t get so upset and overwhelmed that you walk away. It’s about making sure I don’t yell at you.”
“It’s about… you.” She hurtled at me with dramatic pause. “And that is not in alignment with me.”
“You basically called red on Thursday and I had thought you had given me authority. I thought you had consented to not being able to flag red and that’s exactly what you did. And now it’s about me properly grounding you when I’m upset. Making sure that you had what you need. You needed some time away. You needed some time away.”
Her voice trailed off as Alexa rang in the background for some timer set. Later, she would tell me that she was cooking to calm herself so that she wouldn’t come unglued.
“Well, I needed to finish yelling at you.”